that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
