like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
