just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
