why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
