Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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