Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
