You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
