I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
