I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
