The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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