She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
