You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The beer is more important than you right now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
As shirtless as possible
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
