It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
