i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
