This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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