It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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