Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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