apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
