her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
