Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
