all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
