No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
