she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
As shirtless as possible
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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