First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it's great music for shaving your balls
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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