My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
