I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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