so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
is it fun? or sober?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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