Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
