xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
