it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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