just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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