I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
