Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
