I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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