That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
