ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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