I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
