Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
