I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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