A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
sex in a hospital.. check
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
