mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
