Dual....:-)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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