I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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