Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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