i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
