Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
