Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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