I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
