My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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