Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
