just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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