maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
