I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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