If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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