My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
