dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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