I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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