Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
