I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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