"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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