You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
