sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
