Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
