For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
