I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
