i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
